This thing called love- and that thing called heartbreak

Love. Pyar. Mohabbat. Ashiqui. When you fall in love the very first time, everything seems different, wonderful...the world suddenly seems a better place. Having someone who cares for you, who cheers for you is wonderful and the feeling is priceless. But the concept of love is a muddled one and one that keeps changing with your life experiences, as you grow.

Is it necessary to fall in love? Well, a lot of us are in love with the idea of being in love. Someone to talk to all the time, someone to care for, someone who cares for you. But often when love, especially first loves are accompanied by heartbreaks, you end up wondering if it was worth it. Reminds me of a monologue I watched where the speaker compared love to jumping into sea...without knowing how to swim and then wondering if that was necessary? The thing about love is, it may not be an absolute essential to your existence, but it does make your existence more pleasant. And someday, when you look back at all those moments you had together you will realize that yes, it was worth it and yes, you absolutely HAD to jump in, whether you knew how to swim or not, because he who has never taken a dip in the ocean will always look at it wistfully and wonder what it beholds. 

But love, never comes without its best friend, heartbreak. Heartbreaks happen. Period. People grow apart and you realize your forever was just 24 months, 3 days and 18 hours. They become your ex, then your email password, then a friend of facebook and then...slowly...nothing. but this transition from forever to nothing hurts like hell. You will feel your whole world has come crumbling down and you will oscillate between anger, grief and many many WTF moments. Your friends will make you feel better... Your ex will suddenly become a “Loser” or a “Witch” with a B and you will laugh at their pointless jokes and down a few beers, but, when they wrap up for the night and after you foot the bill...you will still stalk their status on whatsapp, check their facebook and visit their instagram. Because...love shove hai yaar…oh sorry tha… then time will heal you, in its own time. You will learn to respect the past, remember it for the good times, and move on. And...most importantly, fall in love again. Because, love is beautiful and only love and time can mend a broken heart.

Speaking of love, does it happen only once? Not necessarily. You can find love in different people at different stages of life. But, in the end, it is all about finding that one person whose hand will be in yours at every stage of life. It is up to you to find that person. Will you find out easily? Heck no! You will break your heart or and a few other’s in the process before you find your answers. What is true love anyway? Does it even exist? Well, sorry to break your bubble, but there is no such thing as true love. Love is love. If feelings didn't exist then it wasn't love in the first place. The term true love in itself is redundant and meaningless.

When you are young love is all about that person who makes your heart beat faster, whose kiss makes you forget the world, who, you would do anything to please and who you want around you all the time. At this stage, it is all about the roses, gifts, movies, fancy dinners and the dates. As you grow older, and hopefully wiser, you will realize that love is, in  fact, none of that. You will learn to appreciate the familiarity and comfort that love brings. It won't be about dressing up for someone, but about being able to be yourself with them. It won't be about fragrant flowers but about someone who takes the trash out for you in the morning so you can sleep in a little late. It won't be about sex, though that is important, but what will matter more to you will be having that one person who stays true to you unconditionally irrespective of how often you get to meet. Love, eventually, ceases to be those long romantic shona-babu phone calls and matures into drab conversations about aloo and bhindi and about the bitch at work and the asshole of a boss that you have, but it is still love. Love is not the fancy carriage Cinderella rode, it is the pumpkin that is left of it after 12 am. It is not about who the glass slipper fits, but about loving those feet even after they expand to a size 12. 

So is that it? Is it just about finding that one person? No, wait... There is more to this picture. Remember that love is just a part of your life...albeit a very important part, but a part nevertheless and love, is not your whole life. Also don't forget, there are people who love you anyway, what you may not find from the person you expect, you may find from someone who you never knew even existed. And last, you need to love yourself first before you can love anyone else. In truth, only you can love yourself unconditionally. There will be times when even the ones closest to you won’t understand or be able to love you the way you want them to. And that's when you need to have enough love within yourself to feel worth it all. 

Love is beautiful. It makes life beautiful. See it for what it is and when you come across it, just don't let go...but if you have to...let it fly away and you will find another hand to hold, which will not give up on you no matter how dark the night or how hot the sun.

My life... your life

I recently read the book Five people you meet in heaven, by Mitch Albom. The book seems to say that no life exists in isolation, our lives are woven into other's lives and vice versa...For the western world, this might seem like a whole new view towards one's life, but for an Indian like me, this was no news. When one grows up in a joint family, you don't need a book to tell you how one person's life can affect yours. Unlike the west, where childern have the independence to move out of the family homes when they grow up, in India a person has to consider and reconsider his/her decisions from the point of view of family/parents, even if he/she is quarter of a century old. The decision could be something as mundane as choosing a Television of a particular brand to something as major as selecting a career or the person he/she wants to spend the rest of their lives with. The irony, however, is that even as the younger generation in the East wants to break free from the shackles of cultural pressure, their counterparts in the West are beginning to emulate and yearn for the eastern way of life.

Mitch's book got me thinking...why is it that sometimes we wish to exercise control over our loved ones lives? Is it because we think they are incapable of managing it themselves? Or is it because we fear that they would make the same mistakes we did and hope to save them in time so that they do not have the same regrets we did? Or is it because we believe that we are leading just the perfect lives and want our loved ones to have the same? One thing, we must all understand is that the definition of 'perfect' will vary from person to person. Hence, your recipe for a 'perfect' life would not whip up the same dish for another person. Instead, what could end up on the table could be nothing more than burnt breakfast that will ruin one's day!

What's that one thing?

Josh Bell--a renowned violinist whose show tickets were sold out for more than $100 per seat, once played at the D.C metro subway as a part of a social experiment. No one knew who he was--and no one cared. And he earned just $27 in 45 minutes.

Do you think you are one of them? I sure am that way sometimes...Running after the next train, speeding to cross the junction before the signal turns red and even hurrying through breakfast so I could start the day! We are often in so much of a hurry to 'get there' that we forget the most interesting part--'getting there', the journey.

Let's strike a deal today...every day of the week, we will find one thing to appreciate...one thing to soak in completely...one thing to get lost in... it could be something as simple as the wild flower growing in your building compound, a good cup of coffee, the cool breeze on your way back home from work, one song on your ipod or just a conversation with a friend that puts a smile on your face.

So, what's it gonna be today???

Love will find a way...

If grass can grow through cement, love can find it's way into our lives...definitely....

Forever Yours...

Ever since we broke apart,

There’s silence echoing in my heart,

I search for you in every face I see,

I know you’re not here, but my heart won’t believe me.

When I hear a footstep, I turn behind
My heart searches what my eyes can’t find
I know now you’re gone, you’re not mine
But I can't wipe off our past so fine.

Those beautiful moments come flooding by,
Sometimes I smile, sometimes I cry,
With every sunrise I feel you’re here
You are so far and but seem so near.

I wish someday, before I close my eyes,
You’d come back to me, take me by surprise,
Holding my hand to leave it never,
You’d be with me forever and ever.

All over again

I was doing alright before you came along

But life threw me in your path and then started the love song

I was having a fine day sipping my coffee lazily,

Until my eyes met yours gazing at me dreamily.

I was lost in your eyes; I was lost in your arms,

I was lost in your love; I was lost in your charms

I saw you in my dreams, I saw you when awake,

I saw your reflection on the moon; I saw it in the silver lake!

With you holding me tight, I forgot all my fears

Life seemed wonderful, every time you whispered in my ears

Today you are gone, and we are so far apart

I’m left with your memories that I hold close to my heart.

Your memories make me happy; they also make me sad,

Yet the moments I spent with you were the best I’ve ever had,

I should forget you, they say, it’ll spare me the pain

But I choose to fall in love with you…all over again.

So, Who has Your Soul?

I read the following words the other day, "Give my Sins to the Devil and my Soul to God...." and loved it. It's such a simple line, yet, so profound and meaningful. The statement also got me thinking, who has my soul? I am definitely not learned or spiritually enlightened enough to be commenting on this, but, I now believe that when we give in to emotions like jealousy, greed, anger, hatred, revenge that's probably when the Devil has your soul and you commit sins.And, when you rejoice in others' happiness, forgive and add a smile onto someone's face, that's when you give your soul to God. I have made the statement a part of my prayers every night and hope to make it a part of my life by acting that way too....So, give it a minute and think...who has your soul right now?